Claudia's rocky ride home after dumpingSave
One of New Zealand television's worst kept secrets has been revealed with Claudia being dumped by Bachelor Zac Franich.
Zac ditched Claudia - which TV3 spoiled by posting an early exit interview on its website last week - leaving Lily and Viarni to battle it out for Franich's heart in Sunday's finale.
But Claudia just wasn't having a bar of it. They went outside and through glassy eyes asked him why he didn't choose her. He said he went with his gut.
I think he's lying and these are the real reasons why he ditched her:
• Zac hasn't seen Harry Potter and has no idea who Moaning Myrtle is;
• She tricked an elephant with a bit of pumpkin so she could score a single date with Zac;
• She was a little asshole to his friend who babysat her when she was a child;
• She takes chess way too seriously.
But the episode requires an important safety message for the week ahead (other than blowing on those thermo-nuclear Big Ben pies). I'm going to give you that message. And it's a serious one: always wear your seatbelt.
In that whole exit interview while they were on the road with Claudia, not once did she put on her seatbelt, which I find very odd for someone who has been in a major car crash.
Remember when she broke 20-something bones? Make it click Kiwis, we all need to be alive to see Bogan Bachelorette NZ happen.
Elsewhere, was Lily's awkward horse kiss enough to push her over the winning diamond ring line? It's hard to know. All I know is that the horse failed in its duty to buckeroo old Zaccy boy. Now that would have been some quality viewing.
Zac has admitted that he's worried he's not going to be able to keep up with Lily and he's absolutely right to be concerned. I have grand plans for Lily to become New Zealand's first Bogan Bachelorette and if Zac ruins that grand plan I'm going to be very upset. Lily, give me a call when you read this.
How can you not be excited for Bogan Bachelorette when Lily is churning out lines like "Cut my throat or take me home" and "I wear my discomfort everywhere, it's like a bloody fur coat"? The girl is so rock and roll, she's the TV drama New Zealand's been waiting for since the conclusion of Outrageous Fortune.
Zac, if you're reading this. Make the right choice. Set my MVP Lily free. It's for the greater good.
Viarni then jumped aboard Mia the Love Boat. Hopefully she got off without the infectious infections such boats normally contain. I was expecting Zac to say something lame like, "It's just you and Mia now, Viarni". He didn't but I'll plant that seed in your heads because I know he will have said it at some point.
Zac won the quote of the night by declaring in a delicate moment with Claudia that one of his mates used to babysit her as a kid. Moment. Killed.
I genuinely had to pause the show because I was laughing so hard. He's such a smooth criminal when he wants to be.
- Steph Rowe is social media editor for Newstalk ZB