Seven years after award-winning actor Rob Mokaraka tried to take his own life, he's hoping his one man play looking at his attempted suicide will help others going through depression or the loss of a loved one to suicide see that there is hope.
In 2009 Mokaraka tried to orchestrate his own violent death, calling 111, then threatening the attending police officers with a meat cleaver and claiming he also had a gun.
His attempt to get himself killed was almost successful.
The police shot him in the stomach and he spent seven weeks in hospital recovering from his injuries - a short time compared to the seven years it's taken the award-winning actor and writer to get to the point of performing his one-man black comedy Shot Bro - Confessions of a Depressed Bullet, exploring the desperate act.
He premiered the play in Whangarei last year and is now taking it on a national tour, with performances already in Kaitaia and Kaikohe and shows in Whangarei this week.
Originally from Whangarei, the actor said performing Shot Bro in his home town again, and starting the tour in the region, felt right - not least because Northland's suicide statistics are among the worst in the country.
He will perform Shot Bro - Confessions of a Depressed Bullet at Whangarei's Terenga Paraoa Marae from 6.30pm tomorrow and at 1pm then 6.30pm at the marae on Thursday.
"It's all about healing and offering people hope. It's so that people who are dealing with depression or dealing with the loss of a loved one through suicide know that they are not alone and that it is okay to talk about these things ... we need to talk about these things, particularly as men," he said.
Mokaraka said the Kiwi male way was to stay staunch and not talk about emotional issues, but, he said, that attitude was part of the problem.
He said so far the play has had overwhelmingly positive feedback.
"This is real. I'm using my theatrical skills because that's what I do for a living, but when people hear and see somebody who has lived that real experience they see it as a more accurate reflection of what can happen."
"The script is a beam of light for so many and I tell them it's okay, they are not alone. When you are in that dark place you can't see that, so I tell them that it's okay to have problems, but not okay to hold on to those problems, that by talking to somebody they can get better. If you don't they will just build and build and get bigger," he said.
"I want to change that Kiwi male mindset that we don't talk about these things that we don't cry. Well crying is much better than dying. There's nothing wrong with crying, it's natural. We are not robots we are humans with feelings."
Where to get assistance:
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7).
• Suicide crisis helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO, available 24/7).
• Youthline: 0800 376 633.
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7).
• What's Up: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm).
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7).
• If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.